Active

As defined by me: Being active is to be engaged with and in one's life through means of body, mind, and heart.

Ok, I admit, I cheated on this one a little bit. Or rather, I started this project with an attribute that was pretty easy for me to step into given my current life circumstances and environment. That is why however, I have chosen to wait to write about this attribute until I was back in an environment that didn't necessarily cater to this way of living to see how and why this quality is important to me and how I step into it in different circumstances.

Being active is the way of the trail. It is practically impossible to not be active in one's life while attempting a thru-hike across the country. (Well, I guess you could be, but you probably wouldn't get very far...) From being active in physical body by hiking 20+ miles a day, to being active in mind by figuring out puzzles and problems as they present themselves along the way, to being active in heart and community in supporting one another and your own vitality with space to reflect and act according to your own internal plan, I have never felt more actively involved in my health, well-being, and spirit than while thru-hiking the Pacific Crest Trail. It is not the place, but rather the way of living on the trail that makes me feel the most actively alive.

Coming back home, I realize just how important being active is to my well-being and sense of inner aliveness, as well as how I often am not actively engaged in my life. While on trail, it is easy to be active. It is the way of life. I do not have to plan out activity, or force myself out the door. Movement presents itself as the daily task. In off-trail life, it is much harder, or rather takes more discipline to put myself in the way of activity, movement, or action. It is a choice to step into, rather than something that is thrust upon me. The trail demands one to be an active captain of their life, while off-trail I can just ride the waves of time with fewer tangible, visceral consequences in the moment. This may not be entirely true; perhaps it is simply just a perception made from the stark juxtaposition of my on-trail experience to off-trail life as I am currently living it. I believe we need contrasts at times as they create the sturdiness of ground that exemplifies our values and priorities. Because it is not the way of moving through off-trail life, and rather presents itself as a choice, I know that for me, being active is not a choice but a necessity to a life well lived in alignment with myself.

So what does being active look like in this way of living? It looks like daily movement through the means of yoga, running, and walking. It looks like the seeking of challenge in my physical body through lifting weights, climbing, paddling, and hiking. It looks like a nightly ritual of pushups and planks. It sounds like the changes in my definition of success. Success no longer looks like how much I was able to accomplish by sitting at a computer or the number of tasks I have checked off my list or what labels I hold. Success now looks like how I feel at the end of my day based on how active I was in taking care of my own spirit and well-being that day.

While I know I am deeply committed to being active in body and in mind, I know I have a lot of growth when it comes to being active in my communities and connections. I can often become a passive passenger in the waves of time, waiting for someone else to reach out, speak up, or dictate the path for me. I think this is because I have a strong aversion to conflict, never wanting to "rock the boat." However, I realize that the only way the boat gets rocked, is if it doesn't have a strong captain at the helm dictating direction. By not being actively involved in conversation or discourse, I let my mental boat get rocked by waves of other's opinions. By not actively directing my course towards friendships and involvement in the passions of my communities, I let myself become drowned out by other's voices and concerns and become invisible to those that matter most to me. This inactivity is fed by an unhelpful belief that what I have to say and do doesn't really matter. This belief is why I started this project. To change our beliefs, we need to challenge them and to build up stores of proof that they are incorrect. The more I write, the more I speak up and let myself be heard, as well as truly listen to hear others, I realize that my voice, your voice, all of our voices matter. I realize that I thought my voice didn't matter because when I spoke up, I often spoke from academia or opinion that was formed not from me, but by others. When we speak from what we know from our deep sense of truth, this is when our voices matter. This is when we seek to connect over convert. This takes active involvement in the dropping of our agenda to sailing the waves of conversation.

Being active to me means confronting my defaults and adding motion to my day. My default can often be thoughts that are more cynical or melancholic, so being active is important in confronting those defaults to lead me to a more engaged truth.

Questions for alignment with your own sense of being active:

• Would you like to see yourself as active?

• What does being active mean to you?

• In what ways are you already active, and where else might you like to see this quality in yourself?

• What gets in the way of you living actively in your life, and what are ways you might address these challenges?

• Who do you look to for guidance?