Silence Pt.1: On my relationship with myself.

Silence Within

I wanted silence once

for it is often loud

in the house of myself.

Anxiety holding my pen

Don’t write that.

Fear holding my tongue

Don’t say that.

Judgment holding my hands

Don’t do that.

They say our brains are computers:

downloading, uploading, upgrading.

They say our bodies are machines:

Inputs, outputs, processing.

Neurons firing, wiring.

My wiring, firing wrong.

To silence a machine

just turn it off.

Power it down.

Unplug.

A machine has no pulse,

no breath,

no life.

I know why it is easier then

to silence a pulse

when we are made to forget

that we ourselves are of the living.

---

They call it a muzzle blast.

Trying to muzzle the voice inside

but instead

blasting it to bits.

---

I know why he wanted silence,

For I have craved it too.

But he forgot living energy cannot be destroyed.

His voice gone from the walls of his mind wails on.

A trembling…

aching…

clawing…

heaving…

screaming.

Energy transfer

to the walls of my throat.

---

We pause for a moment of silence.

---

I try to make myself silent,

but the ocean won’t stop lapping

ebbing and flowing through my lungs.

Lub-dub…lub-dub…lub-dub…

No matter how hard I try to get silent

my heart speaks.

My brain an organ:

Creating, connecting, concentrating.

My body flesh and blood and muscle and pulse:

Breathing, beating, becoming.

---

We create a moment

not of silence, I think,

but rather for the silence.

A recognition of the voices lost

that we only hear when we ourselves

get quiet.

---

I no longer want silence

but to create moments of quiet.

So the voice within still sounds

singing with the chorus of those I am without.